Thursday, July 21, 2011

Americanisms

My mom sent me this link of Americanisms that British people find annoying.

I absolutely hear these, and thought I would comment....
(If I skip a number, it means I don't have any comment.)

#1. CAN I GET A...
At Starbucks, saying "Can I get a tall drip coffee to go?" Violates several rules and pretty much writes "tourist" or "American" on your forehead. The correct way is "A tall filter coffee to take away, please." It also helps to specify black or white, because they will add steamed milk to it rather than make you do it yourself (which is, in fact, quite nice). Similar usage problems at the pub. "Can I get a pint of ...." will get odd looks occasionally. Not sure if they're thinking "I don't know, CAN YOU?" or "Duh, that's my job."

#2 LEAST WORST OPTION
Do we say this in America? I don't say this. I don't think I've ever heard this. Maybe "Least bad option." As least worst options go, saying least bad option is at least as least worst of an option as saying least worst option is as bad as.

#3. TWO-TIME vs DOUBLE
This one I disagree with. I think two-time referes to someone doing something twice on separate, distant, or unrelated occasions. "Two-time Olympic gold medalist" would mean you won the same thing twice on separate years. "Double Olympic gold medalist" would mean you won two medals in different events in the same year. They don't seem interchangeable.

#4. 24/7.
Yea, that's annoying in America, too.

#5 DEPLANE
I get it, but it doesn't bother me.

#6. WAIT ON
"Wait on" (or "on line" instead of "in line") is regional in the USA, so that one sounds strange to me, too.

#8 FANNY PACK
You think you got it bad in the UK? Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oy, oy, oy!

#9. TOUCH BASE
Yea, corporate-speak is dumb in any country, but without baseball it probably makes less sense... If it ever refereed to baseball in the first place.

#11 TRANSPORTATION vs TRANSPORT
Bart, Dart, el, metro are all better than "Link Light Rail" which is what I had back in Seattle. I hate to let you down, but it all just motorways and tram lines, starting and then stopping, etc. (See what I did there?)

#12 LEVERAGE pronounced LEV... (the way it is spelled) instead of LEAVE... (the way it is not spelled)
You can be annoyed, but do you have the leverage to stop us? And then they complain that the definition has changed to "value add." Huh? "VALUE ADD" is way more annoying than mispronouncing leverage/leeverage in either/eeither direction.

#14. SHOPPING CART
This one I didn't know about, because we walk to the grocery store so only ever use the baskets. Which are probably called "shopping hampers" because a picnic basket is a picnic hamper. Did PICNIC BASKET not make the list?

#15. GOTTEN
"Gotten" seems like a perfectly cromulent word to me. (Points for getting that reference.)

#17. BANGS (as in hair)
I guess they confuse it with bangers. Which would make fun slang for dreadlocks.

#18. TAKE-OUT vs TAKE AWAY vs TO GO
See #1. Yea, take-away instead of take out or to go. But any of the three should be easily figured out. Why would one be confusing and not another? If a brit said to an American barista that they wanted a coffee to take away, I would think that the American would get it sorted spot-on, and Bob's your uncle.

#20. A HALF HOUR
"A half hour" instead of "Half an hour" is that even different enough to count? When they really should be complaining about saying "Half six" instead of "Half past six" to mean 6:30. Maybe it should be "An half hour."

#21: HEADS UP
This little bit of corporate speak doesn't bother me. (In an unrelated story, I'm the guy who designed "Heads Up: Hold'em" iPhone app.)

#22: TRAIN STATION
What? I don't get it. Should it just be "station?" I don't know what they're on about!

#24. MY BAD
I first became aware of "my bad" in the pilot episode of South Park, when the alien apologies for killing cows, so it get's a pass. Not a good enough excuse for you? Sorry, my bad.

#28. EATERY
WRONG!!! "Eatery" is one of my favorite words, and it is the height of ridiculosity (#19) that anyone should take offense to it. Oftentimes (#27) it is the name of of a fine eating and drinking establishment. It's like a factory where they build "eat!" Love it! Eateries can only be surpassed by parlors in terms of awesomeness. And how come "awesomeness" didn't make the list?

#30. ALTERNATE vs ALTERNATIVE
So this guy is annoyed that someone uses the word alternate as an alternative to the word alternative or maybe it is that they use alternate as an alternate to the word alternative. Or maybe it is the other way around.

#31. PRICE HIKE
This one I didn't know. On an unrelated topic, I was informed that mis-speaking the "prix fixe" menu is saying "price fixing" instead of "fixed price."

#32. GOING FORWARD
Yea, I don't like "going forward" either. Stupid corporate idiots...

#33. DELIVERABLES
If those stupid corporate idiots (see above) ever went forward maybe they could get some deliverables without the rest of us having to wait on them.

#34. A MILLION AND A HALF
Us 'mericans can't count so good.

#36. YOU DO THE MATH(S)
I like 'do the math' and I am perfectly comfortable with math being the plural of math. Can it really be math if there is only one?

#37. REGULAR vs MEDIUM size drink
The correct phrase is 'tall.'

#38. EXPIRATION
Didn't know that one. I would like to give a well thought out answer, but my time is up.

#39. SCOTCH-IRISH
Mmmmmm, Scotch. Mmmmmm, Irish.

#40. THAT'LL LEARN YOU
Most of the time, "That'll learn you" is the American equivalent of the ironic garden gnome. (From either the book Watching the English, or Anglo Files, I can't remember which.) We are making ourselves sound like dumb American hicks because it's funny when we sound like dumb American hicks. (Not to be confused with actual dumb American hicks: We gots them, too. And they's a scary bunch!)

#41. WHERE'S IT AT vs WHERE IS IT
While it may not be any more informative or efficient, it isn't very much less informative or efficient, is it?

#42 PERIOD vs FULL STOP
Who's less efficient now? LOL.

#43 WINNINGEST
Again with the efficiency. (Why didn't "Again with the" make the list?) What are the alternatives? "The most winning," or "Has won more than any other," that's a lot of words.

#44 SEASON vs SERIES (referring to TV/Tele)
Um, ok. Is that the best you can do? Whatever floats your boat! (Why didn't "Whatever floats your boat" make the list?)

#46 ZEE vs ZED
I was good enough to include this as an option on our kid's game iPhone apps. Just for you!
I would also like to apologize to the letter H (ay-ch/hay-ch) for not making the cut.

#48 GOT IT FOR FREE vs GOT IT FREE
Let's go through this logically "I got this for seventy-five dollars." "I got this for six cents." "I got this for five pounds." "I got this for free." "I got this for losing." As a computer/web programmer who isn't very good, it is so much easier to code
echo "I got this for {$price}.";
instead of
echo "I got this ";
if ($price!="free") echo "for {$price}";
else echo "{$price}.";
See. I'm lazy, but the good kind of lazy.

#49 TURN THAT OFF ALREADY
In most cases, we add the 'already' specifically for the purpose of being annoying. We have succeeded!

#50. I COULD CARE LESS
This really matters to people? Because, you know, ...